DRUNKEN ELK TERRORIZES SCHOOLCHILDREN
A drunken elk has been terrorizing children at a school in southern Sweden. 'That could be the problem. We could be dealing with a boozy elk,' Jan Caiman, a police officer in Molndal, told the national news agency TT. The elk was probably eating fermented apples in a garden and had become inebriated," he said.
(HOUSTON CHRONICLE, unearthed by Bill Messick)

LIMBAUGH GREETS DEMOCRATS AS "LIBERATORS"
On the November 8 broadcast of his nationally syndicated radio show, Rush Limbaugh claimed to "feel liberated" by Democratic victories in the House and Senate because he is "no longer going to have to carry the water for people who I don't think deserve having their water carried." (Although he'd probably still carry a bucket of pain pills for them.)
(MEDIA MATTERS)

SEATTLE VOTERS REJECT BAN ON STIP CLUBS
Like many of her fellow dancers, Asia was planning to leave town, if voters endorsed a city ordinance that would bleach much of the lust and most of the lucre out of lap dancing. Rest easy, Asia, Seattle voters decided overwhelmingly (YES: 36% to NO: 64%)CLICK HERE FOR NEWS STORY that guys (and girls) can continue to stuff $20 bills in the G-strings of hot young women.
(WASHINGTON POST AND SEATTLE TIMES, unearthed by Paul Whitehurst)